Lagniappe

Couples traveling together have their work cut out for them. Traveling with a significant other is a challenge for most, and it’s certainly nothing like a cheesy rom-com.

I know. I’ve traveled solo for months, and I’ve also traveled for several months with my girlfriend. Neither is easy, but there are additional challenges faced when traveling with someone else.

The relationships of backpacking and long-term traveling couples rarely survive the trip. Check out Solo Travel Vs. Travel with a Girlfriend for more on the differences of solo travel versus traveling as a couple.

Traveling as a couple requires work. Correction: happy traveling as a couple requires work. Here are 15 tips to help couples traveling together enjoy the experience and avoid frustrations with their significant other:

1. Be Patient

Exercising patience is an important part of any relationship. When traveling, it is paramount for a couple to remain patient. In order to continue having fun and enjoy the destinations, patience goes a long way in keeping moods even and avoiding conflict.

2. Be Nice

Don’t misplace blame. If something goes wrong – when something goes wrong – don’t be a jerk. It’s pretty simple.

We should all try to be nice to one another. Hopefully, couples are nice to each other already, but in the daily frustrations that come with travel, it can be easy to quickly blame someone else for misfortunes or missteps. Cooler heads prevail, and couples that are nicer to each other will travel happily.

3. Be Honest

Honesty is the best policy. Well, honestly, after having that maxim drilled into my head from a young age, I think that’s a load of crap. Brutal honesty just leads to arguments and hurt feelings. Anyway, to keep the peace on the road, be honest with your travel partner. 

Don’t be agreeable to everything. Worrying about keeping your significant other happy all the time, while disregarding your own preferences and desires, will only lead to resentment. Speak up. If you’re not enjoying a place or need to slow down, say something! It’s better to vocalize opinions sooner. Bottling up feelings is likely to lead to a massive argument. The bad part about couples arguing while traveling is the distraction from the adventure. 

Honest couples will avoid future conflict and travel happier.

4. Spend Time Apart

Absence makes the heart grow fonder, right? If that’s not the case, how about this: take some time apart from your significant other when traveling, so you don’t get sick of each other. 

Even if it’s only a few hours one day a week, spending time alone is important for couples traveling together. Most people don’t have identical interests. Couples should take care to recognize their differences while traveling and make a habit of regularly spending time apart.

On beaches, I like to float in the water or chill beneath an umbrella. My girlfriend will spend hours scouring the shore for rocks and seashells. On days I need to be productive, I’ll find a bar or a coffee shop to work while she’s shopping, watching Netflix or doing who-knows-what. These times apart are what keep us together.

5. Know the Travel Situation

Clarify the travel situation beforehand. Are you traveling as a couple in an equal partnership? Is one person the leader?

It’s important for couples to understand how major travel decisions will be made before setting off for months on the road together. An inexperienced traveler should not take charge over everything in the name of equality.

Relationships should be partnerships, with certain levels of give-and-take. When thousands of miles from home in an unknown land, it’s not all about ensuring each person feels valued in decision-making. If couples are equally experienced and knowledgeable about the destination, that’s a wonderful advantage! 

When one person is a little green to backpacking or long-term travel, it’s okay to follow another’s lead. Skills can be honed over time. The primary focus is always smart and safe travel.

6. Talk It Out

Relationships go through rough spells. Couples backpacking or traveling long-term experience the same difficulties. 

When relationship problems arise on the road, it doesn’t matter how much time is spent apart. Unresolved issues will fester into something worse. If travel is taking its toll on the relationship, or the arrangement is not working out, talk it out or slow down before the situation worsens. Assuming you want to salvage a relationship, talking it out as soon as possible is the best course of action when traveling. 

The worst part about relationship problems on the road is that they get in the way of traveling. Don’t let frustrations with a significant other get in the way of exploring the world and happy travel.

7. Do Couple-y Activities

Being thousands of miles from home does not absolve couples from relationship duties. Treat your girlfriend/boyfriend/spouse like they are just that and the trip will go smoother.

Making time for date nights and coupley activities with your travel partner is a great way to maintain a certain level of happiness on the road. Lack of familiarity with a destination is not an excuse. Bike rides, walks in the park or going to see a movie can be fun activities almost anywhere in the world.

I’d rather go to a museum than an amusement park, but it didn’t stop me from getting on a rickety, questionably-safe ferris wheel in Armenia. Did I enjoy it? No, not really. The rusty ride from Soviet times terrified me, but I would do it again.

8. Chip in on the Bill/Decisions

This one is easy. Even if your significant other is financing the travels, make a point to contribute every now and again. Pay for drinks, dinner or admission to an attraction. If you’re lucky enough to get a free ride, make the effort to pitch in on occasion. The gesture is appreciated.

If major travel plans are made by your significant other, contribute to lesser decisions to ease the burden of responsibility. Research the destination and find an activity or restaurant to try. Easing the responsibility of little things helps couples maintain a happy state of travel.

9. Make Friends

Making friends while traveling is more difficult for couples. Backpackers and other solo travelers are often reluctant to approach couples. Traveling couples are less inclined to leave their comfort zone and strike up conversations with strangers, but making friends abroad is just as important as it is at home.

Finding new friends abroad adds a little excitement to the journey. Going out for dinner with others will be more than another meal. New conversations and ideas make daily travel experiences more lively. 

Be cautious of meeting an oddly friendly couple. They just might mistake friendship for promiscuity, pull out a bag of blow and invite you to an orgy. Because that actually happened to my girlfriend and me in Asia. 

Backpackers are a friendly bunch, and most are not presumptuous groupies. For a better travel experience for couples, find some normal people and make new friends. 

10. Be Patient

Yes, again. It’s that important. There is no more important tip for couples traveling together than to be patient, even when it’s hard.

There is no point in being flustered over having to wait for your travel partner. The only result will be further annoyance and an irritated travel partner. And there is no reason to constantly be in a rush when traveling. Timeliness is a valuable trait to have, but the best travel is slow and appreciates the little things.

The way I avoid growing impatient is through timing. I don’t rush to get ready and leave when I know I’ll have to wait. Instead, I time it so we’re both ready about the same time. When time is more important – for instance, when catching a plane or a bus – and we need to leave at 10:00 AM, I say we need to leave at 9:30. 

My methods may be misleading, but conflict, annoyance and frustrations are avoided. I also hope my girlfriend doesn’t read this and catch on to my scheme.

11. Be Spontaneous

Sticking to a strict schedule is a great way to make travel boring and uninspiring. For couples, wandering aimlessly is a fun opportunity to explore a destination.

As a solo traveler, I often pick a direction and go. When traveling with a significant other, wandering new cities is a lot more fun. I often overlook sights that draw the attention of my girlfriend. Wandering with her, I’m led to areas that I would otherwise likely miss.

When it comes to sharing unique experiences, structured travel leaves little time for spontaneity and imagination. Freely-traveling backpackers and long-term traveling couples will see more of their destinations. With two heads and less structure, they are likely to let spontaneity take hold and have the most memorable adventures.

12. Make Sacrifices

One of the best things about traveling as a couple is that my girlfriend is much smaller than I am. As a large human (six-foot-three and about 250 pounds), this is a welcome benefit. She is gracious enough to let me encroach into her space on buses and planes. In places like Southeast Asia where transportation is rarely comfortable, her generosity speaks volumes.

I’m not all selfish, though. I have spent many hours sitting on a toddler-sized stool in the aisle of a jam-packed marshrutka (minibus in former Soviet countries), letting her have the seat. And I oblige her desires for shopping and cheeseburgers, as well.

Making sacrifices is crucial for couples to travel harmoniously. Travel, especially backpacking and long-term travel, is not a comfortable affair. Partaking in activities that are of no interest, ceding unused space on planes and eating what your travel partner wants are part of happy travel for couples. 

13. Choose Mutually-Appealing Destinations

Expanding on making sacrifices, mutually appealing destinations are important for couples traveling together. Letting your significant other choose the next travel stop is also a good idea. 

Long-term travelers and backpackers often set off without strict plans, and couples may not always agree on the next destination. Letting your travel partner pick destinations, or choosing a destination that is mutually appealing, is a good way to keep both parties happy. 

14. Pack Appropriately

One foolproof method to piss off your travel partner is to pack like an idiot. Healthy and able backpackers are responsible for carrying their own stuff. Don’t pack more than you can practically handle.

Proper packing is packing light and smart. Practical packing will allow for more comfortable travel and less worrying. All backpackers have their own baggage to haul, and it is not their responsibility to pick up the extra weight of a travel partner. Happy traveling as a couple – and avoiding undue strife – begins with smart packing.

15. Have Fun!

The most important part of traveling is to have fun. With all of the challenges and distractions that accompany traveling with a significant other, it’s easy to lose sight of the bigger picture. Couples travel together to see and explore something new with someone special. Don’t let daily frustrations or petty differences hinder a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

If the days of travel grow long and mundane, remember the reason you travel. Find something fun to reignite the wanderlust. Couples have the benefit of traveling with someone else to help keep them motivated and positive. Travel comes with difficulties and challenges, but they are temporary and manageable. Never forget to have fun!

Paradise. Elusive, serene, perfect travel paradise. That’s where millions of people want to go. The image that comes to mind is one of empty beaches, crystal clear water and fancy bungalows hanging on a cliff or hovering over a tranquil lagoon.

These illusions are misplaced. Many prospective travelers dismiss the dream destination on the basis of the absurd prices of those fancy bungalows.

The reality of paradise is different. [Read more…] about The Perfect Travel Paradise

Taxis in strange places tend to feel risky, and the first taxi ride in a new country can be nerve-racking. Even at home, the only assurance and peace of mind for millions of people is behind the wheel of their own vehicle.

Cities across the world have taxis with bad reputations. While Bangkok is infamous for debauchery and scores of other scams, taxis in the city are relatively trustworthy. Unfortunately for me, some drivers in Bangkok are not. Here’s the story of my taxi ride nightmare in Bangkok:

From Tropical Paradise to Bangkok

After two weeks in paradise on Malaysian and Thai islands, the time had come to head back inland. Relaxed and tan from lazing on beaches for days, my mind and body was at ease.

Admittedly, as much as I love sipping piña coladas on a beach, the extensive break from winding roads, cramped buses and chaotic cities had me itching to get moving again. And what better place to continue wandering in Southeast Asia than Bangkok!

After a few months in Southeast Asia, I still had not reached the largest, most well-known and most-visited city in the region. I was excited. Hearing crazy stories and reading about the great food, I was brimming with excitement.

To reach Bangkok, I took a ferry to the mainland, then a bus to Krabi Town. After spending a night in Krabi, the next morning I caught an AirAsia flight (about $30 USD) to Bangkok’s Don Mueang International (DMK) Airport, where most budget flights land. Buses from Krabi Town are available, and slightly cheaper than the flight, but take half a day versus one hour on a plane.

Landing at DMK Airport

After landing at DMK Airport in Bangkok, the first thing I did was connect to WiFi. As this first trip (of three) to Bangkok was only for a couple of days before heading to Mandalay (Myanmar), I did not buy a sim card.

After grabbing my backpack from baggage claim and checking taxi fares online, it became apparent that taxis to Bangkok City Center from DMK Airport were going to be very expensive. Unfortunately, there was no way around it. A large chunk of the price is from a toll that is passed on to passengers.

Given that this was my first visit to bustling Bangkok, I decided a car would be the best course of action, rather than taking a bus that would drop me off miles from the hostel. A price was negotiated, and although more than a bus, it seemed reasonable for an airport transfer.

As the car left the airport, my head was turned for the next thirty-plus minutes. Whenever I arrive in a new place, my curiosity takes over and my eyes are focused out the window.

My excitement of being in Bangkok completely distracted me from the taxi driver’s incompetence. Eventually, however, it was impossible to ignore.

An Incompetent Bangkok Taxi Driver

The further we drove, the less my attention was drawn outside the car. At first, I tried to dismiss it as nothing more than another interesting ride on a Southeast Asian road. I soon realized that every other driver on the Bangkok highway, especially taxis, were driving in a normal, sane fashion.

About half of the ride from Bangkok DMK Airport, the taxi driver spent straddling multiple lanes on a highway. When she wasn’t showcasing her inability to pick a lane and recognize the honking directed at her, the taxi was swerving toward other cars.

By now, my curiosity and excitement was replaced with anxiety and fear. Normally, if I recognize a situation as hazardous, I leave it. But how do you get out of a moving taxi on a busy highway in Bangkok?

You don’t.

Finally, our taxi took an exit, left the highway and headed for the streets of Bangkok. Briefly, the taxi driver seemed to be competent once more. I decided to sit tight. Perhaps she was uncomfortable driving on highways? That’s laughable, but it makes some sense.

I was wrong.

Escaping the Worst Taxi Driver in Bangkok

As soon as I my fears subsided, the incompetent taxi driver emerged again.

Stopped at a busy intersection surrounded by towering buildings, we waited for the light to change. After about a minute, the light turned green. Ten seconds later, we were still sitting at the light. Another ten seconds passed. Then I looked over the seat and realized she was asleep.

The beeping horns behind us had no effect. It wasn’t until I spoke up and nudged her that she looked up, acting as if she was just not paying attention to the light. In reality, she was either drunk or exhausted. I cannot be sure, but the difference is minimal.

As the car quickly drove on, my uneasiness returned. I could get out at the next light. But again, it was my first time in Bangkok. I did not know where we were, my best guess – a wild guess, without a sim card to verify – being at least another 15 minutes by car from the hostel.

As we continued through the city streets, the area became more crowded with pedestrians and vehicles. That didn’t stop this taxi driver from dozing off and swerving across lanes of traffic.

I wanted to get out, but the chance didn’t come. Eventually, I reasoned we were pretty close to the hostel and this taxi nightmare in Bangkok would soon come to an end. Again, I was wrong.

When a Taxi Driver Gets Lost in Bangkok

Apparently, for this crazy driver, it was the perfect time to get lost! She began driving aimlessly, in a futile attempt to navigate the streets of Bangkok. It was at this point she decided to stop and ask some local men for help. In doing so, she stopped in the left lane of a four-lane road. This insane taxi driver then proceeded to slowly drive straight across four lanes of oncoming Bangkok traffic, then into an alleyway not fit for cars.

After talking with the men in the alley, she decided to give it another go. At this point, I should have said no and exited the vehicle. Foolishly, I remained inside, in disbelief.

Apparently, the best way to get your taxi out of a narrow alley in Bangkok is to blindly reverse into oncoming traffic. That’s what this driver chose to do. She was now reversing into the same four lanes of speedy traffic we had just dodged. But it gets worse!

As the Bangkok drivers screeched to a halt to accommodate this imbecilic taxi driver, she decided to begin driving the wrong way! This busy road is four lanes of ONE WAY traffic, and she chose to go against the traffic. As we yelled for her to turn around, she stopped – in the middle of the road!

Drivers were honking and yelling at her, and she finally made her way back across the road, pointed in the right direction. We drove up another block before she stopped, once more blocking traffic to the indignation of all Bangkok motorists.

Finally, I had enough.

Enough is Enough

After narrowly avoiding serious collisions and probably death, I got out. At this point, enough was enough. This driver, with her ineptitude and recklessness, would be the death of us. It had to end.

When she finally understood that the ride was over, she quoted me the original, agreed-upon price. I refused to pay the full fare, at which point she became unhappy.

I never skip out on fares. Usually, I tip my drivers, and I’m a good tipper at restaurants. But there was no way in Bangkok taxi hell that I was going to pay the full fare to an incompetent driver who couldn’t find the destination and nearly drove me to my death.

We settled on about half of the original price. It wasn’t much money, but I was irate at this attempted transportation service.

With my best guesses, a screenshot of the hotel and an offline maps app with hit-or-miss accuracy, it was time to find my hostel. And it was absolutely time for a beer. Or five.

Leaving the final scene of my Thai taxi debacle, I got away as quickly as possible. I had no idea where I was, but I believed that the hostel was not too far.

With heavy bags and the sun beating down in the sauna that is Thailand, I started walking. After half an hour, passing the same street market at least twice, it was time to try a different direction.

Another mile later and dripping in sweat, I found the hostel. There are no words to adequately describe my joy. Air conditioning, smiling faces and friendly greetings. My Bangkok taxi nightmare was finally over.

Or so I thought.

The Ultimate Travel Mistake

After saying hello and handing over my passport, I had to pay for the room. I reached in my pocket. No wallet. Checked my fanny pack, nothing other than a few loose baht. Checked my backpack, nothing.

Tearing through my bags and frantically turning out my pockets, there was nothing.

I lost my wallet. In Bangkok.

In the rush to escape from the menace of Thai roads and Bangkok taxi hell, my wallet, which was in my lap during the rollercoaster ride, disappeared.

With the help of the hostel owner, we contacted the taxi company who, in turn, contacted the driver. Of course, the driver found nothing in her death trap. I retraced my steps for more than a mile, but I knew the wallet was gone. It was in the taxi. And even, by chance, if it had fallen into the street, it was not to be found.

The loss stood at two debit cards, one credit card, about 4,000 Thai Baht ($125 USD) and another $20 in USD.

The worst loss was not the cards or the money. In Vietnam, I had purchased a handmade, buffalo-leather wallet. The loss of money and cards was frustrating, but the wallet was something I could not easily replace.

Backup Plans to the Rescue

The first thing to do was to cancel my cards. I immediately called my mother. Luckily, like me, she is a night owl and answered at about 2 AM her time.

Bank security is over the top at times, and, in this instance, the bank would not let her cancel my cards. She then put her phone on speaker and used a landline to call the bank. I spoke from my phone, through hers, into the landline to the bank. Through this ass backwards communication, I finally canceled my cards and ordered replacements.

The only trouble is that I was in Southeast Asia with no reliable address. The only solution was for my mother to ship my cards to a friend in South Korea, where I would be in a few months’ time. Eventually, I would have access to my money.

In the meantime, despite my careless mistake escaping the Bangkok taxi demon, I had a reasonable backup plan. Although I let my guard down in the taxi, my emergency funds and credit cards were still in my backpack.

Fortunately these credit cards were not lost. In case of emergency – or, in this case, stupidity – I always separate some cash and cards when traveling.

Needless to say, the beers that afternoon went down easy.

Travel Lessons Are Learned

My Bangkok taxi nightmare could have been much worse. No one was hurt. No one was abducted or robbed. Those are the real, albeit very rare, horror stories.

In the process, several valuable travel lessons were further ingrained in my mind:

Never, never ever, let go of your wallet. Secure it in a deep pocket with a zipper, in a backpack or in a fanny pack. In my case, I had all of these options, and chose distraction over smart traveling.

Check your pockets and bags for important things when exiting a car, train, etc. Be obsessive. Be paranoid. It’s better than leaving your wallet in a Bangkok taxi.

Wear a seatbelt when possible. This is hard to do in Southeast Asia, but traffic fatalities there are alarmingly high. Crazy driver or not, you don’t want to become a statistic.

Shuttles and buses may be crowded, overwhelming and uncomfortable, but there is far more certainty and safety than with a random driver.

Verify your taxi. While I was not scammed (by this taxi driver), research and be aware of common taxi scams.

Have a backup plan. Even if you’re traveling for a weekend away, it is always best practice to have someone you can contact if something goes wrong. Whether that is family, friends or anyone, be prepared for the worst case scenario.

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My Bangkok Taxi Ride Nightmare

Another bit of luck I had in this taxi nightmare was having my girlfriend with me in Bangkok. On a normal day, she is forgetful. In fact, the day prior to this disaster, she left her iPhone on a bus. And that wasn’t the first time. Or the second. Or the last.

In the time that she was with me on this trip, she depended heavily on me, the seasoned traveler, to lead us around Southeast Asia. On the first day in Bangkok, she saved the day. While I was getting a headache from talking to banks, she covered the hostel, food and beer.

Some people, like her, leave important things behind and somehow they come right back to her. I do not have that luck.

Solo travel is great. I prefer traveling alone most of the time. In the event that a worst case scenario comes to life, it’s a blessing when someone is there to have your back. If you are traveling solo, you have to be doubly careful and aware. We all make mistakes traveling. Most can be avoided, but sometimes we walk right into a trap.

Start with never trusting your taxi in Bangkok.

My Bangkok taxi nightmare was not that bad. In the end, the worst part of the whole ordeal was inconvenience from my carelessness. I always check my pockets when exiting buses, trains, planes and cars. Especially, obsessively, when traveling.

In this instance, I let my guard down. I let my frustrations with a crazy driver and the emotions of being somewhere new distract me being a smart traveler. I learned a valuable lesson, and I won’t be making this mistake again.

[Read more…] about Starting a Travel Blog